Great Friendship: Tips On How To Make It Last

By K Lledo

I've been with my group for the past 8 years and there would definitely come a time when we felt bored that we've talked and have done everything we could think of. The good thing was there were no dull moments. We've created a great connection and I wanted to keep that bond and make it grow. So here are some tips and ideas that I would like to share with you:

1: A Group Name
It may sound cheesy or cheap to you but this is a simple action that bonds you into one. It gives the feeling of belongingness and togetherness. Come up with a name that would reflect everyone and represent the group as a whole. Choose an appropriate name and be proud that you're a member of. As the years pass, even though you're far away from each other it is something that will bring you together.

2: Favorite Hang Out Place
This usually comes in time. Whenever you see each other you'll just realize that you have this favorite place to hang out to. It may be at the park, in the mall, a restaurant, or even inside the library. We all have our own preferences but when it comes to group bonding we think as one. It is commonly in these places where the most sentimental memories are formed.

3: Communication
This is basic. Stay in touch with your friends whenever possible. Even though you're too busy find time to send a text message or ring them. Social Networking sites such as Facebook make this easier to keep in touch and updated. Making an effort makes your friends feel important. And believe by me just investing a minute of your time contributes to keeping the bond tighter.

4: New Activities
There will always come a time where our day feels bored and uninteresting. We don't want to keep on doing the same things over and over again every time we have a get together with our group. If you have the time, find and suggest new activities that you and the rest of the gang can do and enjoy. You can explore new vacation spots or try planking or the lying down game. Whichever you choose make sure that everyone is cool about it.

5: Being True
Being a friend you have to share your own thoughts and ideas with them too. What you want to tell them may not be in their favor all the time but the point is you have to take both sides. Harmony and trust is gained by how you deliver your words and how they take it. Either way it should benefit everyone. Having the guts to tell your friends what you think straight to their face is so much better than pretending everything is alright even though it is not. It may cause conflicts, misunderstandings and worse break ups.
There are many more factors and ways to keep the friendship and make it strong. The important thing is you treat each other with respect and treasure every moment you have with your pals.

Listening to Potential Friends

By Laura Schroeder

Have you had difficulty making new friends? One of the skills you may need to work on is being a better listener. In active listening, you repeat what has been stated by rephrasing the statement back to the speaker. I've always been irritated by that concept because most people don't do a very good job at it. What I mean by that is for example, when someone says to you, "What I hear you say is...". I'm thinking, "yeah, that's what I just said". It personally makes me feel stupid.
Rather, what I'm referring to in listening is hearing what the other person's likes and dislikes are, hearing about their family or pets. You can learn a lot about a person in just listening to what they are talking about. You can tell if they are confident, insecure or angry.
Because I enjoy being chatty, in the past I've talked to much to the wrong people. Not everyone enjoys conversation. I've worked on that and now try to get a feel to see if the other person is receptive. My biggest indicator is in people who smile.
The next time you are engaged in conversation with someone, first listen, then ask questions from the topics they spoke of. If they are happy about an event, congratulate them. If they seem discouraged, offer a word of encouragement. If they are angry, be empathetic but choose another time to engage in much conversation. It can be difficult to communicate with someone who is angry. They may need some time to cool down.
When you remember something specific that someone said, do a kind gesture next time you see them that shows you were listening. If they mentioned a favorite food, you could bring them food from their favorite place. If they had a pet, you could bring a treat or a toy. If they have small children, you could bring an inexpensive gift such as bubbles or chalk. If they were going through a difficult time, flowers may be appropriate. People will take notice that you listened and remembered what they said.
When I was a parole/probation agent, my clients said they appreciated that I listened to them. They said they didn't mind reporting to me because coming to see me was like a free therapy session. They appreciated that I didn't judge them. Before I asked about their compliance with conditions, first I asked how they were doing. That helped me to know how to best help them.
I've learned a lot over the past several years and am better equipped now in dealing with interpersonal relationships. The good news in this area is that there is hope. This is an easy situation to turn around. Once you begin to listen, you will find ways to build relationships with others and begin making new friends.

Author, Laura Schroeder, has experienced life change first hand. To join an online community of care, visit her website at http://lauramschroeder.com. To contact Laura, email at laura@lauramschroeder.com. Please make any comments family friendly.

Five Ways to Keep a Friendship

 By Lizzie Ducking

Five ways to keep a Friendship: By Lizzie Ducking- There is a scripture that says there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Once you have found a good friend, it is a lasting connection even if you are distances apart.
Here are five things that will make and keep a friendship:
Number one- Be a good listener, everyone has something to say and need someone who would listen objectively. Sometimes a problem can be solved just by talking it out. Sometimes we do not have to say a word just let the person talk, he will come to the conclusion on his own. I have a friend and he would talk to me about his problems, most of the time I would just listen to him. One day he realized that he had talked himself into his solution. He looked at me, smiled and said you knew what you were doing. I told him that he already had the answer it was just a matter of finding it. I did not interfere as he was talking because I did not want my opinion to confuse him. Beside, my opinion might not have been right for him so I kept silent.
Number two- Keep confidence, a friendship can end quickly if we expose his business to others that he has confided in us. It is a breach of trust and he may never again trust us. If what he has confided is harmful to him talk to him about it or ask him to seek help about the situation but do not go behind his back to get the help for him. Let him make that decision but assure him that you care about him and will be there for him. Be persistent in encouraging him to get help especially if it is a life or death situation.
Number three- Put him ahead of us, there are two in the friendship and neither is the main character. You would not want the friendship to be all about you. It would soon end because you are not considering the other person. No one really wants to be around someone who is always talking about himself or herself. Therefore, consider the need of your friend and give him time to express himself.
Number four- Be there for him, I was taught at a young age to not go to my friend's house all the time because she might not want to see me all the time even though we were friends. That stayed with me all my life and I have lasting friendships. We should be there for our friend's day or night if there is a need but when the need is past, it is a good idea to reduce the visits and calls. We would not want to smother a person by always being there but we should show ourselves dependable in time of need.
Number five- tell him the truth, there is an old saying that the truth hurts and it can but it can also make a person better by hearing it. We are not a good friend if we cover up a person wrongdoing or do not tell him that he is wrong. If he gets angry with us for telling him the truth then he is probably not our friend.
Sometimes covering for a person will get us in trouble along with him so tell the truth to prevent a future problem. Being a good friend shows character. It consists of honesty, patience, love. Caring and selflessness. If we would walk in these traits with our friends, we will have them for a lifetime.

I am a License Practical Nurse. I have been in this field for over 25 years. I enjoy helping and encouraging others. My main hobbies are reading and writing. I am a Wife, Mother and Grandmother. I am also President of the Parent Teachers Organization. President of the Parent Supporter Task Force and a member of the Parent Leadership Institute.

4 Things You Need to Think About Before You Decide to Live-In

 By Ram Gupta

Deciding to live-in with your partner is a major step, and is just as significant as marriage for a lot of couples. It has the potential to make your relationship stronger and happier, or to weaken and eventually destroy it. How well prepared you are mentally, emotionally and financially, and how seriously you take this step, are crucial for success. If you want to make sure that you and your partner end up happier for this step, you need to consider a few things before you take the plunge.
1. Don't Be Casual
This is very important. You may have been made to believe that a live-in relationship is a casual, no-strings attached kind of an arrangement that you can just sail into without thought or worry. That is a very dangerous attitude, especially if you are serious about your partner, and can get you into a lot of trouble. You are best advised to treat this relationship and your partner with a lot of respect, and take this seriously.
2. Plan Your Finances
Money is a crucial factor, and has the power to make or break relationships. Before you move in, have a thorough discussion about how you both plan to handle and invest your resource pool. Ideally, you should both be contributing equally and you should know what kind of a financial commitment you are getting into. Here planning is everything, and you need to know what you can afford and whether your lifestyle will change for the better or the worse. Mismanagement or poor planning will mean that the obligation will pass on to one person more than the other, and this can lead to needless grudges and conflicts.
3. Giving Time to Each Other
Time is the other crucial factor. Since you will no longer be dating and will be 'around' more, without realizing it, you may start spending less quality time with each other. That is not a good thing. Even if it does not matter to you, your partner may notice the change, or vice versa. Either way, it will lead to unhappiness in the relationship. Try to keep your dates alive like you did before. Also, make sure that you share at least one meal together on most days, where you are devoted to each other, and not to your own problems, your phone or the television.
4. Never Take Your Partner For Granted
No matter how much you love each other now, the moment you start taking your partner for granted, you are laying the foundations for a grudge and grief. Naturally, your partner will not mind you watching two TV shows over dinner straightaway, but if it happens long enough, don't expect them to continue being magnanimous. All in all, if you want to sustain a healthy relationship, you need to start taking responsibility for it straightaway. Communicate with each other, respect each other's presence and make time for each other, and there is no reason why this will not be the wonderful adventure you are hoping it becomes.
You are free to publish this article without any change in the content electronically, in print, in your e-book, or on your web site, free of charge, as long as the author resource details are included.

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What Is a Conscious Relationship?

By Peter Vajda, Ph.D  
 

What is a conscious relationship?
If you ask some couples, as I have, if they're in a "conscious" relationship, some of the partners will respond, "Sure," "You bet!" "Of course!" and the like. Then, I might ask, "Are you in a relationship where you're both completely transparent and honest with each other?" Being transparent means that you honestly consistently tell the truth to your partner - about your feelings, desires, fantasies, thoughts, actions, and all other important aspects of your experience.
This is usually when one or the other or both become a little uncomfortable. They may shift their bodies, squirm a bit, fidget a little or look down at the floor.
So, let's explore what we mean by a "conscious" relationship.

Friendship
Probably the most important ingredient of a conscious relationship is friendship. Friendship means that you actually "like" the other person. In fact, in many relationships one or the other partner might often remark, or think, that while they "love" their partner, they don't really "like" him or her. John Gottman, relationship expert, and author of the best-selling, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," says friendship is the "secret sauce" of happy and successful relationships. Specifically, friendship is "...a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other's company." Friends know each other intimately, "... they are well-versed in each other's likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and dreams."
The importance of friendship cannot be overstated. Many relationships fail because, at the outset, they were created based on the "packaging" rather than on a deeper, more substantial connection, such as true friendship.
Problem-solving
A second element contributing to a conscious relationship is how the partners deal with conflict. Partners in a conscious relationship are able and willing to meet conflict head-on, explore their own and the other's goals and move towards solutions that are mutually beneficial.
The most important element in conflict resolution between partners is that each partner openly communicates they accept the other's personality. Successful conflict resolution depends on "knowing and believing" your partner understands you. And, friendship supports this understanding.
In relationships where friendship is nonexistent or waning, one and/or the other partner often feels misunderstood, or judged or even rejected by the other. Successful conflict resolution is all about telling the truth and truth-telling from the perspective of a friend, not an adversary.
Conscious relationships approach conflict resolution from a place of "I don't have to be right," rather than "I need to be right, so you need to be wrong." Mutual respect and win-win are the operating principles.
Communication
Open and honest communication is one of the most fundamental foundations upon which a conscious relationship rests. Open and honest communication keeps the relationship alive and growing. Open and honest communication forces one to be a truth-seeker and a truth-teller, no blaming, no pointing fingers, no denial, no deception and no defensiveness. Emotions, feelings, fears - it's all good.
Clarity
A third characteristic of a conscious relationship is that each partner is clear about their own life purpose, goals, visions, and dreams. In addition, each is proactively curious about these same aspects of their partner. Further, in conscious relationships, each partner is supportive (rather than be threatened by) of the other's purpose, visions, and goals and contributes to their partner's journey. Moreover both partners are absolutely clear about their own and their partner's requirements, needs and wants when it comes to such factors as: monogamy, drug-taking, open communication, money, shared responsibilities, religion, children, parenting, in-laws, etc.
Quality time
Another characteristic of a conscious relationship - and this is a very critical point especially in this age of social networking - is that both partners actively choose to spend quality time together, even though at times it may seem uncomfortable or even irritating. This is especially true when one of the other partner is caught up in social networking or electronic gadgetry or personal hobbies. Conscious relationships are first and foremost about the partners' both finding and making time for each other even when it is inconvenient In essence, this means that one views one's partner as a priority in their life.
Intimacy
Intimacy is another element that supports a conscious relationship. Intimacy is the container in which partners can talk with each other, and be and feel vulnerable, in a place that is safe and secure. In this space, partners can openly speak about their deepest secrets, their deepest fears in a way that allows one's partner to see inside them. With respect to sex, intimacy means requesting what you want and responding in kind to your partner's requests. As John Gottman says, partners in conscious relationships, "see lovemaking as an expression of intimacy but they don't take any differences in their needs or desires personally."
Trust
Conscious relationships create, from the very outset, a container of trust. Partners in a conscious relationship continually build on this mutual trust. It is this solid foundation of trust that supports one or the other partner to muster courage, strength, will, and steadfastness to move away from anyone or anything that might threaten the relationship.
Equality
In a conscious relationship, no one is "better" than the other. Each brings to the relationship their own, personal biography and biology - their fears, their worries, their challenges, their weaknesses and strengths.
Partners in a conscious relationship are not obsessed with power, control or influence. Each partner in a conscious relationship has his or her own boundaries which the other both understands and respects.
Consciousness
Partners in a conscious relationship are continually moving toward increased awareness and consciousness with respect to "who I am" and "how I am" in the relationship. If either or both partners are lacking in some area of interpersonal, interactive skills, they're open to learning what they need to know -knowledge or skills.
In essence, a conscious relationship means that one partner relates to himself or herself through the other. Each partner acts as a mirror for the other. Each becomes, and this is critical, a source of feedback for the other. Not judgmental, not critical, but from an open, loving, heart - felt place, each partner mirrors back the other. It's this mirroring that fosters self-awareness and growth.
Everyone is wounded in childhood. And we heal in relationship. But only if we choose to. Those in a conscious relationship have made this choice to heal and grow through their relationship.
When two conscious individuals work in harmonious fashion, growth and change result. Much of this change revolves around dealing with old, self-destructive and self-sabotaging patterns of behavior, fueled by emotional baggage that each of the partners has brought with them from childhood.
Being in a conscious relationship is not easy. Being in any relationship is not easy. The difference? In a conscious relationship old wounds and hurts don't simply surface over and over again but are worked on, massaged, metabolized and understood and in the process of understanding and forgiveness of self and other, both partners change.
In a conscious relationship, where true Love (and like) exist from moment to moment, each partner supports the other, without judgment, and from a place of compassion, understanding and empathy. This is the ground for emotional and spiritual healing. It's not always an easy experience. It takes a great deal of strength, courage, caring and commitment to become conscious.
Conscious relationships are the answer to serial monogamy, continued failed relationships, and to dysfunctional and co-dependent relationships.
Heart- and soul-centered, conscious relationships are a journey, never a destination, but a journey well worth taking.
So, some questions for self-reflection are:

• Would you describe your relationship as conscious? If, not, what's standing in the way? Honestly.
• If you're not in a conscious relationship, how does that make you feel?
• Were your parents in a conscious relationship when you were growing up?
• If you are not in a conscious relationship, what would it look like and feel like to be in one?

---ABOUT THE AUTHOR---
Peter Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C. is a founding partner of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company that supports conscious living through coaching and counseling. With a practice based on the dynamic intersection of mind, body, emotion and spirit, Peter's 'whole person' coaching approach supports deep and sustainable change and transformation.
Peter facilitates and guides leaders and managers, individuals in their personal and work life, partners and couples, groups and teams to move to new levels of self-awareness, enhancing their ability to show up authentically and with a heightened sense of well be-ing, inner harmony and interpersonal effectiveness as they live their lives at work, at home, at play and in relationship.

Peter is a professional speaker and published author. For more information: http://www.spiritheart.net, or pvajda@spiritheart.net, or phone 770.804.9125.